Easter Sunday 2018

Today...actually the entire weekend, have probably been a couple of the most trying days in the last several years. I wish I could talk about it, but to protect the involved person's privacy, I cannot.  I am so, so stressed, stretched tight as a drum and I am afraid my head is going to explode. I really cannot take much more of this, though I have been enduring it for years. There is just nothing I can do that is going to do any good,  I feel so helpless as the stress piles up around me with no end in sight. And this is nothing compared to the stress and anxiety the other person is going through. Its killing the both of us.

March 15th "Low Angle"

Missed a day yesterday, but no worries. :) Its been a usual busy week with the renovations and work stuff commanding most of my time. On the plus side I went to the gym twice this week, as scheduled! My daughter and I have also done some exercises at home every day. I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm just trying to stay mobile as I get older. My back and hips are weak and my balance is really...off. I know alittle bit of elliptical will go a long way. :)

Today's topic is "Low Angle". I feel this is maybe open to interpretation, I'm not sure of how to take a low angle pic so I just went with what I thought was accurate.

I love this little winged pig!!

I just can't concentrate tonight...too much noise and my head is maxed out from a busy, overly full day. Peace out.

March 13th "Childhoot Memory"

This was a tough topic for me because I was hard pressed to think of a positive thing to say about my childhood. I was a sensitive child with a mother who was very sick and a father who was rather indifferent. I know without a doubt that they did the best they could at the time with what they were equipped with, and I'm not going to go into details except to say I suffered with debilitating anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.

Fast forward to the year 1987. Even typing the year makes me smile. :) That's the year my son was born and I became a mom. I was only 19, still a kid.... a very naive, impressionable, immature, ignorant kid. But when I came home with this baby who needed me (after a few weeks of being completely overwhelmed) I was totally and permanently in love.

                                                           He is the moon and the stars.


It's funny.... before my son was born, the sky was blue and the grass was green. As soon as he was in my arms the sky was BLUE!! and the grass was GREEN!! Everything in my world was enhanced and amplified and so, so vibrant and alive. But still I struggled, as most new, young moms do. During his six week check up, I struggled with his heavy car seat and diaper bag as he screamed and cried and wailed all through the parking lot and waiting room. I was nervous and stressed and I very nearly dropped him. I silently cried as he cried while waiting our turn to be called. The pediatrician, I have forgotten her name, said to me, "You're doing a great job." and that little sentence turned my life around and I began to feel like I really was a good mom. And that is what I strove to be, every day since that moment.

March 12th "Random Body Part"

Today was a day where nothing went according to plan. I am a person who thrives on routine. I expect it and I absolutely die when a monkey wrench gets tossed into my day. When I arrived to work today my co-worker arrived, still sick with the horrible crud she had last week. This has been an awful flu season. I felt so bad for her....not only is she ill, but she has two small children and they are likely sick or going to be sick in the near future. Poor guys. :(  So I worked alone today, which is manageable. I found out our receptionist/assistant to the director is leaving this summer. I'm so sad! I really like her and I will miss her greatly.  She is right though...the drama is too deep.

I really love my job, Its a fun and supportive place to work.  I feel a deep sense of commitment to the community I work for, (I am a caregiver/med tech at an assisted living community) I take my responsibility seriously, the people who live there are like my family, especially since most of my family is either far away or deceased. On the topic of staff turnover, we have had a complete change in management in the past 6 months and it is unsettling. I have considered leaving several times myself, but that sense of commitment hits and I am probably not going anywhere. Anyway I have high hopes for our new Director, I think things are going to be fine once he/we get the kinks worked out.

In other news, I have felt super nauseous and tired lately, so I've been trying yo improve my diet by eating more low carb for the past few days. I just now ate a cookie and I feel sooo gross. I may be onto something lol

Today's topic is Random Body Part!  My husband just took this sweet pic of our dog Morgan leaning into his hand.  So sweet!

March 11th "Any Book"

What a whirlwind weekend! I got the large flowerpots cleaned out and replanted, and we started in on the flowerbeds. Spring is so exciting. :)

I missed yesterday's assignment which called for a photo of a book. So that's what I'm posting today.

This is my favorite book. Every poem is so enchanting, either witty, sorrowful, exciting, romantic, and all lovely.

I really enjoy this book. It is falling apart at the spine, and the pages are brittle and fragile, but every so often when I have a few minutes to spare, I'll open it up and read a poem. Its almost therapeutic.

I used to read for hours at a time, but over the last 5-8 years or so I seem to have lost my focus and I can't sit still and look at a book, or watch a movie. So I stay busy. :)

March 9th "Nighttime Lights"

Had a busy but productive day with my daughter. That's all I'm going to say about that. ;)

Today's topic of photography is Nighttime Lights. How fun! We fortunately has some clear-ish skies today, actually saw some sun, which made for some pretty sunset pics.

I love love love watching the sky at dusk. Some day I am just going to be still and SEE the sky, observe the changes in the light. Its beautiful.

Tomorrow I'm helping a friend paint her kitchen, my husband and daughter are continuing the work of replacing the wood floors in the house. Here's to a low stress day. :)

March 8th "What I Ate"

It seems I am a failure at this photography challenge.  I have only taken one original photo, the rest have been from my phone's camera roll.  And today.....  I had fully planned to take pictures of what I ate today, but didn't. I was busy with work, the commute, then home stuff and I forgot all about it. That has probably never happened to you lol...  I stink at organization. I am a list making Master, but I can't stick to one, or I forget I have a plan, or something. I am super occupied at work, on my feet and very busy all day. When I get in the car at the end of my shift I just sit there for about 15 minutes, breathing, being still, listening to the quiet. Then, once my brain has settled down a bit, I drive home, or to my first after-work errand. Then when I get home, I start Round Two.

So today's topic is What I Ate. I have no photos. :(  But picture this... Breakfast was 3 cups of coffee with half and half. Then at work I had a half of a PB&J I brought from home, gourmet cooking lol... round 10 AM I had an orange with my iron supplement. Bonus points for remembering my vitamins!  Lunch was a very small green salad, a bit of cranberry glazed turkey and a half sweet potato. Somewhere along my workday I acquired a handful of jellybeans. They really helped propel me through the day. :) After work my daughter and I have a habit of having tea and toast as she tells me about her day. Dinner was a bit of chicken, a banana and a spoonful of peanut butter. As I type this I have a scoop of sugar free ice cream that I am trying to protect from the dogs. Hopefully I get to eat it before they do.
As you can see I have no imagination when it comes to food. Every week I go grocery shopping and I promise myself and my family I'm going to do better with preparing meals and I rarely do. I need some help so if you have any ideas please throw them my way. :)

March 7th "Make it Abstract"

I recently read a study that declared women needed close friends to live a long and happy life. We need a "tribe"'. Well, I don't know about you, but I don't think so. Should not the results of this study depend on the type of person studied? I am an introvert, I like people, but I don't want to spend tons of time around them. I enjoy my own company, I enjoy quiet, and thoughtful conversation in small doses. I never want to be in a position of "needing" a girlfriend close by to feel complete. That's what my husband is for, and that's enough. I spend my day amid lots of people who need my interaction. When I get home I really need time to decompress in order to feel myself. I know this is hard for non-introverts to understand, but it's true. Leave me alone. :)

So today is devoted to abstract photography!

This photo shows part of a sculpture in downtown Seattle. I simply stood in the midst of the towering copper slats and pointed my camera upward. To see them in person they appeared to be much closer together. If you happen to be following along with this March photo challenge, I encourage you to look for other photos on today's topic. I admire the creativity many folks have put into their pictures. :)

March 6th, "Sunrise or Sunset"

So after yesterday's whine fest, I attempted to turn around my lousy self defeating attitude and look for the positive aspects of my busy life. I have a job I truly enjoy. My skills are challenged every day, and since I stink at organization, it's pretty stressful sometimes. But I feel supported at work and I know I could ask anyone there to help if I truly needed it. My work gives me a sense of fulfillment, gets me out of the house and around people. Realistically, if I didn't work outside the home, I'd never leave, period. Even though I am very much a homebody, I KNOW I need to be around other people, to talk to someone other than my daughter and husband. Its exhausting but that's okay.

The days are getting longer! And the sun! We had a sunny day today! If you live in the PNW you know this is a big freaking deal. I wish I would have had a chance to get outside in it but maybe I will tomorrow. Just too busy today. Spring is coming. :)

Today's photo challenge calls for a sunrise or a sunset. I regret that I didn't take the time to take pictures of either one today. BUT, I got some beautiful shots of our last trip to Hawaii.

Photos cannot capture the beauty of a Hawaiian sunset.

Tomorrow I'm going to try my best to take an actual photograph for this fun little photo challenge, need to stop depending on my camera roll lol

March 5th, "Something Liquid"

Gosh, today was a difficult day. I didn't sleep well at all, I was short handed at work, essentially doubling my work load. I worried all day about my daughter, who has been having a hard time lately. I am terribly behind in housework, dirty laundry all over the garage, footprints all over the beautiful new floors, dishes here and there, hairy bathroom.... I feel like such a failure. I struggle through each week only to stress through each weekend and start it all over again each Monday. But... forward march. Nothing lasts forever, not even the difficult times.

Today's photography calls for "something liquid." I didn't have a chance to take a picture, (it was going to be coffee lol) but I do have this gem in my camera roll. This is our German Shepherd, Morgan, thoroughly enjoying her pool!

The Shepherd behind her, Sammie, wouldn't dare get wet, but Morgan loves it.

I love my dogs... they're so happy to see me, even if I've only been gone 10 minutes. Makes no difference to them. Yes they are messy and loud and time consuming, but the love they give is priceless.

March 4th, "Animal or Pet"

Today was a very clear example to how our weather affects my mood. Yesterday was bright and sunny, and although there were some tense moments, I was able to stay optimistic and motivated. Today, on the other hand, was gray and cold and damp, and I felt stressed, rushed, and buried in tasks that I didn't accomplish. And the headache, omg. I really need to see the sun, and feel the warmth. The cold gray skies are really getting to me.

Today's photo challenge calls for an animal or pet. Well, this is difficult because I have 3 dogs, 4 cats and 12 chickens. Oh, and a hamster. Its hard to choose just one to photograph!

This little beauty is Cleo. She's 17 years old and has no patience for shenanigans. She still likes to play and will literally eat anything. She loves to be carried and petted and catered to. A couple of years ago she was ill with a kidney infection, so she spent a few days on the spare room bed, being fed by hand. She really took to that new routine and to this day still expects that royal treatment whenever I'm in the spare room. She is too fat, walks kind of stiffly from arthritis, and I cherish every day I still have with her.

March 3rd! "Colorful"

Out of respect for my kids, I'm not planning on posting photos of them, or talking about them much. They're adults, and I wish to protect their privacy.  I will say though, that I talked to my son today, and that conversation went a long way in brightening my day. It seems like we could have the most mundane conversation, and I always come away feeling happier and uplifted, more secure in my role as a mom. He is such a kind and smart man, I look at him and KNOW I did something good. He's part of the legacy I will leave behind and I am so proud of him as a person.

Today's photo challenge subject is "COLORFUL". Immediately I thought of this...

What kind of mushroom is this anyway?  If I were to draw a picture of a mushroom, this is exactly what I'd create, it has almost cartoonish mushroom coloring; white stem with  red, slightly speckled cap. So interesting!

March 2nd calls for a close up. :)

This was a fun one, I entertained myself for quite awhile searching for something to focus on. I settled on this:



This is an original acrylic in progress, not by me, though I am honored to say I know the artist. She is almost 91 years old and truly does beautiful work, mostly from memory. She says she simply paints what she finds to be pleasing. She has been painting for most of her adult life and although her vision is dim and her hands shake alittle, her work is still lovely.

Here's a different view to give you some perspective:

The March Photo Challenge has begun!

So I have no idea on how to make the above photo larger and easier to read. I'll work on that.

Day 1 suggests a self portrait.

Here I am. I chose this photo because it is most recent, and it is real. I'm not hiding behind tons of makeup or Snapchat filters. I'm wearing some very unflattering scrubs, which is what I wear 5 days a week. I took this photo today while on a short break at work. One of the stairwells has a window with a sill wide enough to sit on, and I go there when the sun is out, (which is rare this time of year in the PNW!)

We had a beautiful day today, starting with a full, bright moon this morning. The sun was out for a majority of the day which was such a blessing even if I wasn't out in it. A bit of sun in the middle of a dreary winter season has a way of lifting everyone's spirits. Work was emotionally heavy today, so the sun was much needed. I'm hoping tomorrow we get much of the same, with a less dramatic work-day.

Guess what Internets? There's only 300 days till Christmas.  :)

 You're welcome.

This coming Thursday is March 1st. I'm challenging myself to post a picture every day for the month of March for no other reason except to express my great desire to organize my thoughts and experiences. There is SO MUCH I want to be able to say and I just don't know where to start!



But this... This is an important part of my journey, to be able to face each day looking for the good in it. I struggle with depression and anxiety at times and it takes a conscious effort to search out the positive aspects of each day. Life is difficult and the world can be a rude place sometimes, it is vital to remember that there is good still in this world.. some days you have to look harder than others.